Life coach Kate Porter shares her guide to letting go of worrying about what you “should” be doing, and being bold with your own choices for a revitalised “second spring”.
Words: Kate Porter. Images: Shutterstock
I’m declaring a ban on guilty pleasures. Those little – or big – things that light you up brighter than the aurora borealis, but your inner critic nags that you “shouldn’t” be doing them. And there’s the rub. The guilt this triggers can cause you to put your “thing” on the back burner and stay stuck on your people-pleasing hamster wheel, feeling stagnant and unfulfilled.
But you have nothing to be guilty of. Your time is your most precious commodity, and how you spend it is your choice – no-one else’s. You have no need to explain yourself to anyone. So own that decision, guilt-free.
Make this the month you start living your “second spring” your way. Grant yourself permission to enjoy your “not-at-all-guilty pleasures” by following my five steps.
5 WAYS TO DITCH THE GUILT
Banish the “shoulds”: Shoulds are other people’s thoughts that have crept into your head, and now your inner critic takes great pleasure raising them – particularly when it comes to doing things you want to do for yourself. My top tip when taking action is to ask yourself if what you’re thinking is a “should” or a “must”. If it’s a must, do it now or put a plan in place to achieve that goal as soon as possible. If it’s a should, abracadabra be gone!
Design your own labels: When was the last time you did a personal stocktake of who you really are right now, and what you really want? So many things are changing at this pivotal time in our lives that we can feel we’ve lost control, causing that overwhelming sensation: “There must be more…”. It’s time to take back our power, rediscover our dreams and create new ones that align with our midlife values. It’s time to stop trying to be who we think others expect us to be, rip off that mask and start living our second spring as the woman we deserve to be. It’s time to fall in love with our perfect imperfection and sparkle in our brilliance.
Be naughty: Reignite your midlife mojo by unleashing your inner rebel. Afterall, it’s that feeling of breaking the rules that can make your “not-at-all-guilty” pleasure so appealing. You’ve spent the past decades “behaving” and doing what’s expected of you, well mostly! Your Midlife Metamorphosis is all about smashing those stereotypes and creating new signposts to where you want your life to go that feel true to you and what you actually want. And then doing it your way, on your terms.
Have fun: No more “I’m too old” or “It’s too late”. Age really is just a number, who cares what it says on your birth certificate? When you feel fabulous about you, and are clear on who you are and how you want to live your life, all your other relationships benefit too – from loved ones to your career. It’s time to put yourself first and be selfish. Embrace your inner child. Nurturing your Metamorphosis Mindset® by trying new things, and turning your long-held plans into reality, will transform your yearning for more into getting it. Your way. And central to having fun is the empowering ability to laugh at yourself, free from fear or judgement and “comparisonitis”. Let the judgers judge, and be unapologetically authentically you.
Go for it: Try it. You might enjoy it. If you don’t, you can say “No” and try something else. Life is too short to do things you don’t want to do. We all “fail” all the time, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. The only potential problem with failure is not learning from it, so use it as a springboard to explore a different approach. We can spend hours, days procrastinating. Waiting for certainty that will never come. Take that small first step towards leaping out of your comfort zone. Central to this is learning to say “No” to things you don’t want to do, guilt-free. “No” really is a complete sentence. This enables you to take back your time to say “Yes” to what you do want to do. To experiment. To push your boundaries. To explore new perspectives. And to have fun trying.
Kate Porter, 55, is The Midlife Metamorphosis Coach® helping Gen X women transform from feeling invisible to invincible so you can unleash the woman you deserve to be, with her bespoke 1-2-1 coaching and MORE! programme. Find Kate, founder of Second Spring Life Coaching®, at themidlifemetamorphosiscoach.com on linkedin.com/in/kate-porter-secondspring/ or email her at kate@secondspringlifecoaching.com.
