Cook and TV presenter Lisa Faulkner, 52, talks to Gemma Calvert on hitting her milestone birthday, the grief of infertility, and the secret to the strength of her marriage to MasterChef judge, John Torode.
Words: Gemma Calvert. Images: Gerraint Warrington and Shutterstock.
When I met John on Celebrity MasterChef in 2010 I could never have imagined that this would be where we are now. It’s so funny because I was literally a ball of nerves. He’s like the Simon Cowell of the food world and I thought he was terrifying. On the show, you go in, you cook, they critique you and you go home, so he wasn’t like he is now in any way. His persona on MasterChef is very different to his persona [off screen].
We work separately quite a lot so when we get to work together it’s really nice. When jobs come up like John & Lisa’s Food Trip Down Under – where we were traveling around Australia, eating, driving and chatting, which was just brilliant – they’re so lovely. It was so much fun to travel and see different places together – but we work hard.
John and I have wanted to release a cookbook since about series two or three of John and Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen. We said we wanted to do it, thought ‘How do we make this work?’, then finally the stars came together after however many series when our publisher said ‘Yes, let’s do one’
It’s been so nice to write a book with John because we come at things from different places. He’s a proper chef, I’m a home cook and that really works. All the recipes from the next series of John & Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen are in the book and we had to go through eight series of the best of the best recipes and narrow them down. It’s been so fun and really enjoyable. We’ve definitely got another book in us because there’s so many recipes that we couldn’t include!
In the past, cooking was something I did to relax after acting so it’s so nice to either be acting or cooking.
I’ve just done a lovely acting job, after a couple of other little parts last year, and it’s been wonderful to act again.
I filmed a Madame Blanc series and went to Malta to film a four-part drama for ITVX called Archie. That door [acting] is definitely not closed. In fact, as children get older and life changes, I feel like I can open that door even more.
I would love to do a period drama. I don’t really mind what period but I really would love to do something different like that. Anything where I’m not playing myself is just a joy. I’ve been self employed since I was 16 when I started out as a model, so I’ve never had career plans, it’s just been about what comes up. I’d love there to be another John & Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen, it would be lovely to do another cookbook too and also another acting job. I just go with the flow and when opportunities come up, I always take them because they’re there, like little jewels in my path.
There’s pressure to always be looking forward and expanding our repertoire of talents but there’s also something to be said for being satisfied with what you’ve got and taking a breath to really enjoy that time. I like to think that I’ve got time to walk the dog, time to do some yoga, time to meet friends and have a chat and a walk in the woods in the rain – which I love – time to cook dinner, have people over and see my family. All that part of my life is as important, if not more important, than work.
I turned 50 two years ago. We rented a little house, had all my friends over and it was absolutely beautiful. It’s lovely because people feel that you should celebrate all year when you hit 50!
For me, every decade is a milestone and I have a real issue every decade, thinking, ‘Oh God, what does this mean?’ Then I wake up the next day and feel exactly the same as I did the day before and realise it’s just a number. I now wish I was 50 because I’m 52. Fifty seems positively young!
I feel a greater sense of confidence with age because things become much less black and white. There’s so many grey areas and there’s so much that you let go. I think the more you hold onto things, the worse it gets and if you can go with the flow a bit more, then it’s easier.
People say that getting older is a privilege and it really is. In some ways you’re more invisible to the world because you look a certain way, which is very sad, but I think that’s changing. We all have a part to play. You can stand up for women and include women by making sure that older women are used as directors, on television, in films and there for people to see. We should celebrate the fact that we are older, wiser, that we are human and we are still represented. Everyone looks beautiful at different stages of their life. To me, it’s not about smooth skin and tight bodies. Beauty comes from within.
This autumn John and I will have been married for five years. It’s gone in a flash! The best thing about being married is being there for each other, being secure in a little team and somebody having your back who’s your team member, your partner and your champion.
What sets John apart from the rest is he’s always growing. There’s nothing John doesn’t know about food and he’s such an expert in his field – however, he’s so interested in how people cook, what they cook, in different food. He is constantly changing as a person, thinking about how to help people. He has such a generous heart and doesn’t ever stand still. I don’t think he ever sits and goes, ‘That’s it. That’s me. I know everything’. Somebody who’s always willing to learn and change is exciting. He puts himself out there.
I’ve got boxes of letters and cards and things that we’ve written to each other over the years. We always write each other little notes when we go away. I’ll put something in his socks, even if it’s just a little rip of a paper saying, ‘I love you. I’m going to miss you’. The same things I’d always done with [daughter] Billie in her lunchbox. It’s about telling people that you’re there and you’ve got them. It’s important to say it because time is short.
No marriage is perfect. Everyone has ups and downs, it’s one of those things. Of course, nobody’s going to be happy all the time but we talk about everything. We try to discuss stuff in the day when we walk the dog, and we’re there for each other in the middle of the night if one of us has a problem. Everyone does things that annoy their partner but that’s life. Friends and family do things that annoy each other. You just have to get on with it.
Unexplained infertility was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to get my head around. I felt really lost and going through it was a grief of sorts. A grief for a life that I thought I was going to have that didn’t happen.
When you’re going through it, it’s a very lonely place to be because usually you’re the one person in a group of friends who is not getting pregnant. There’s a 10, 15, 20 year window where women are having babies and, for me, what was really difficult at the time was that it seemed everybody I knew at the same age was fertile and I wasn’t. I felt like the only person in the world who was going through it. When women going through what I did reach out to me privately, I always try and take the time to talk to them.
My daughter Billie, who I adopted in 2006, is nearly 18 now. It’s just madness how time flies. My role as a mum and primary caregiver has changed – it hasn’t stopped but I’m going with the change. Making packed lunches every day isn’t happening but the counselling, chatting, talking and being there is just as important, if not more. Learning to be an adult is a frightening and daunting thing so as a mum, you need to provide that place of safety for them to come back to, always.
Billie and I always make sure that we have time for just us. Even if it’s just a couple of days together of mummy and daughter time, just being with each other is important.
In the past, I’ve been protective over Billie but [now she’s older], if she wants to sing from the rooftops about me or be public, it’s up to her. She’s my daughter. I totally learn from her every day and she surprises me. She’s an incredible young woman – resilient, so strong, thoughtful, articulate and perceptive. She just gets people.
I’ve not really parented the way I was parented. There are bits that I took away, like how my mum showed her love with food. I’m sure I do the same through food and family holidays, but your child is so different to you. My daughter is so completely different to me and I parented her very differently – the way I think she needed, the way we needed. You have to work your child out and you’re constantly learning, moving and changing as a parent just as your child is, so there’s no hard and fast rules as a parent. You just have to do what works for you.
Now the kids are getting older, for myself, John and our whole group of friends, it feels like a new chapter because we’ve got more time for ourselves. Everybody is becoming that person where children are off doing their thing and so we can say, ‘Let’s go away this weekend all of us together because we don’t have the kids’. It’s a new dawn!
John & Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen airs Saturdays from 11.40am on ITV1 and ITVX. Their debut cookbook John & Lisa’s Kitchen is available now (Quadrille, £25).
