Coach Amy Carroll shares her tips on how to find new friends, and shows you it’s never too late to reap the benefits of meeting new people.
Are your friendship circles diminishing? Do you spend more time alone than you’d like to? In midlife and upwards, you may find yourself being less social than you’d like. Perhaps the children have flown the nest, you may be divorced or have different interests from your partner, or you might be stuck in your own ways and the comfort and safety of your home.
Love your Strictly? With TV shows today being so entertaining, the risk is that the goggle-box becomes your pseudo-friend. Unfortunately, there is a significant hidden cost to this, as research shows.
The English Longitudinal Study of Ageing aimed to explore whether television viewing behaviors in adults aged 50 or over are associated with a decline in cognition. The study reported that watching television for more than 3.5 hours per day was associated with poorer verbal memory.
The benefits of friendships are numerous. More and more research is proving the importance of good friendships and the direct correlation they have on our health. Good friendships are shown to lower the risk of heart disease, relieve stress, reduce cortisol production, improve mental health, and lessen loneliness. Who knew?
According to the study, friends can play a significant role in boosting your overall health. Research shows that adults with strong social connections have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure, and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI).
In fact, studies have found that older adults who have meaningful relationships and support from friends and groups are likely to live longer than their peers with fewer connections. (Some people even live communally with friends!)
Assuming your significant other is your main social connection, you may want to seriously consider expanding your circle. If your partner passes before you, you’ll likely have little energy or motivation to pursue new friendships. Yet in this difficult and delicate moment, you’ll want to have friends around to support you. So, consider cultivating new friendships sooner rather than later.
Today, with screen activity being so prominent, it could feel like you have nowhere to go to make new friends. Or perhaps you’ve recently moved house, or even country, and are feeling like the new kid on the block! It’s true that you’ll have to work a little harder to strike up these new friendships.
For those of you who’ve retired, remind yourself another rich life awaits. You now have the luxury of time to invest in new and exciting adventures. And with so many options, now’s the time to be proactive. I challenge you to choose at least one strategy from this list that could work for you!
How to find new friends
• Connect online. Why not? There may be a stigma attached to online sites these days and yet, it’s extremely efficient. You can find like-minded people through online groups, and you can filter for whomever you want to chat with. No need to leave the comfort of your home and if a friendship develops, you can decide to meet up in person.
• Clubs. Look around in your local area, the community center, post office, bakery or shops. Often people post flyers in these places for things like walking/photography/salsa etc, so keep your eyes open.
• Events. Check out local events. If you don’t like going out in the evening, choose daytime events. Aim to go to an event once a month. Be sure to strike up a conversation with the woman behind you in the toilet line. There’s so much online these days, especially since the pandemic. You can literally google your passion and find a like-minded group with an event on… forest bathing anyone?
• Get a dog. This is an incredible way to meet people. Not only do you get a companion, you meet other people on their dog walks as your furry friend will need to be out and about a few times a day. As a bonus, consider adopting an older dog, one who has possibly lost their owner recently and needs lots of love and affection. Plus, that frantic puppy energy is likely to be behind them.
• Jazz. Even if jazz isn’t your thing, go for an hour and check out the crowd at a nearby club. A friend of mine recently opened a jazz club in France and was stunned at how many boomers love to dance! Not only boomers, there were people of all ages getting into the groove.
• Join the gym. This is a fantastic way to make new friends and a positive step to a new social scene. Plus, working out will ensure you have your dose of dopamine, and that bump of feel-good energy makes you more attractive to others.
• Library/book store. You’ll probably find people that you can share stories and ideas with. Why not play detective? The title of the book they’re reading will give you a clue as to their interests and if you have something in common.
• Reconnect with old friends. Don’t forget that with Facebook and other online tools, it’s much easier to find friends from the past. So, get your detective hat back on, look up old school buddies and surprise them! Gossip guaranteed.
• Borrow-a-friend. Another way to meet people is by connecting with your friends’ friends. There’ll be a higher probability you’ll have things in common.
• Talk to your neighbors. What about inviting them for a coffee and a chat. Or go the extra mile and offer to grab them what they need next time you go shopping. Providing acts of service for others is an alternate way to begin a friendship.
• Theatre/movie. If you go to the theatre or movies alone, you’ll be firing new bravery pathways in your brain and developing the “cour-AGE” to do things solo, making you more attractive to others. And don’t forget to strike up a conversation with that stranger in line behind you!
• Travel alone. This may seem counterintuitive. When traveling on your own you’re much more likely to meet others, which can lead to forming new friendships. As a bonus, being out of your comfort zone, experiencing new cultures, and sharing moments of your life with strangers is one of the most enriching gifts you can offer yourself. Take the leap, book that trip!
• Volunteer. Look for a place that you can be of service. This will give you a sense of purpose and guarantee you’ll make charitable and compassionate connections with like-minded people.
The friendship checklist
Now that you’ve found your new BFF, here’s how to cultivate those friendships.
Don’t:
- Spend all your time focusing on you (good tip for first dates too!).
- Borrow their hat, scarf, lawnmower, bike, etc. without asking permission first!
Do:
- Bring your true, authentic, vulnerable self from day one.
- Be brave, speak up and name it when something feels amiss.
- Celebrate each other regularly.
Find out more about Amy and her leadership programs at carrollcoaching.com. Her book “The Ego Tango: Discover The 7 Partner Mindset Techniques To Get More Of What You Want More Often With Less Hassle” (£8.95, Green Apple Publishing) is out now.
Words: Amy Carroll. Images: Shutterstock.
