Writer Alison James heads to Austria to give skiing a go for the first time – and finds out whether she’s suited to the alpine life!
Words: Alison James. Images: Valamar Hotels and Alison James.
I was never what you might call a sporty kid. Netball was a no-no due to my challenged hand-to-eye coordination; I was always stuck in goal on the hockey field, decidedly ungainly in gait as I staggered around swaddled in thigh-high leg pads; my tennis style was described as “wild” – and not in a good way; cross country runs were spent bunking off at a fellow failed jogger’s gaff who just happened to live en-route; and I distinctly recall being told by the games teacher that no athletics discipline would ever be ‘my sport’.
I wasn’t fussed. I was good at other stuff and positively distinction level when it came to sneaking a crafty fag behind the back of the bike sheds. There was, however, one sport that my teenage self always secretly longed to try. Skiing. To be honest, I think it had more to do with imagining myself hanging out with the beautiful people on some snow-capped mountain – 1970s and ’80s Martini advert-style.
That and the vision of a 19th-century me channelling my own inner Anna Karenina; moving silently across a moonlit snowy landscape in a horse-drawn troika while swaddled in rugs and blankets. Or in another incarnation, I resembled a nostalgic Christmas card as I perched, in full Edwardian period garb, primly on a sledge as I prepared to launch myself down a snow-covered mountain. And then there was all the yummy alpine food to sample – fondue, raclette, goulash and schnitzel.
I could have hit the snows in my 20s, 30s or 40s I suppose, but life always got in the way, somehow. And besides, whenever I thought about a winter holiday, sunshine always won over snow. But then, at the end of last year, I happened to watch The Beatles’ film Help!. The sight of the Fab Four – or rather their stunt doubles – swooping down the oh-so-picturesque Austrian Alps to the strains of Ticket To Ride piqued my interest to finally try the ski and snow thing.
Having read up on where Help! was filmed (Obertauern in Austria) and discovering to my delight that you could stay in the hotel in the ski resort where John, Paul, George and Ringo had performed an impromptu gig for a crew member’s birthday party – their only ever gig in Austria almost 60 years ago – well, it was a done deal!
While my retro “rubber” soul longed to stay at Hotel Marietta (the name of the hotel where the Fab Four performed circa mid 1960s), my 2024 body was highly delighted that in the early 2020s the hostelry had been extensively modernised, having been taken over by the Croatian-based company Valamar group and renamed Places.
No doubt the Marietta was the place to be in its prime but as we approach the end of the first quarter of the 21st century, Places ticks all the right modernist style and creature-comfort boxes. The interior has been redesigned with a vibrant yet minimalist aesthetic.
It feels luxurious but in a chic, funky kind of way. However, it’s touching that Places hasn’t forgotten its unique place in music history. There are several signed photos of The Beatles in situ on the snowy set, in the lobby. Even more impressive is the fact that the drum kit actually used by Ringo Starr for the concert is on display in a corridor behind the lobby, along with more fascinating mop-top memorabilia.
Alpine luxury
Regarding the bedrooms: think traditional alpine with a modern twist that feels like a warm cuddle – and should you be in the mood for rather more than a hug, the complimentary “pleasure boxes” containing condoms and lubricant could well come in handy. Told you it was modern!
On the other hand, should you be sharing the bed with a snorer, the complimentary earplugs will come as a godsend. They think of everything do the clever folk at Valamar. Obertauern – which lies 5,708ft above sea level and is 55 miles south of Salzburg – is the winter holiday resort with the best snow record in Austria. But the skiing, the frolicking amidst the flurries, could wait. I wanted to explore Places.
There’s a stunning, subterranean indoor pool – kidney shaped rather than rectangle. Fine with me – I wasn’t planning on doing any laps. We’re talking serious unwind time here. The lights are low with loungers positioned on several levels. Plus, there are star-shaped floating bean bags! A first for me. Nearby is the stunning spa area and sauna, and the massage I treated myself to certainly didn’t disappoint.
The hotel boasts a trendy lounge and bar – think posh private members’ club vibe, and probably the smartest self-service restaurant I’ve ever been in. Guests are able to eat as much as they like in the evenings – meat dishes, fish, salads, fab veggie options including gourmet handmade pizzas.
Opt for the Places Flexi package and dinner is free, with each person given a €30-euro (£26) allowance a day to spend on food and drink at the bar as an alternative. Payment is made via wrist-worn electronic “watches”, which also open bedrooms and doors to various public spaces. Hi-tech or what?
But Places’ pièce de résistance is to be found on its top floor. There’s a seriously fun 400-sq-m (4,305-sq-ft) top-floor gaming area complete with a soft-play complex and all manner of computer games and consuls. Next door is a rooftop bar with jaw-dropping valley views. I enjoyed a Campari-spritz on the balcony while taking in the vista, warmed by a table-top open fire. Now, that was a Martini moment for sure.
So, what of the skiing? Well, I got myself decked out at the Freudenhaus sport rental next door to the hotel. Skis, helmet, sticks, ski boots… you know the drill. Except that, er, I didn’t. Not really. In all my ski-land visualisations, I’d never pictured myself actually skiing. The nuts-and-bolts stuff.
And if I’d thought hockey goalkeeping garb was stagger-worthy, blimey, I didn’t know the half of it. Give me thigh-high, Michelin Man-like leg pads over ski boots any day! Clomping about, I was a clone of Frankenstein – and that was just outside the hotel.
After getting kitted out, I had a lesson on the nursery slopes with an instructor from the Obertauern Frau Holle ski school – he was very patient but by the end of the session, he gave me a broken English echo of my school games’ teacher’s words. Skiing clearly wasn’t “quite my sport”. I needed a stunt double like The Beatles! But no matter, I had the rest of my snowland fantasy to live out…
On piste!
First up was the sledding. Arranged by the uber efficient Valamar folk, I pitched up at dusk at the Gnadenalm alpine experience, some six kilometres from Obertauern. The toboggan taxi – a snowmobile with old-fashioned wooden toboggans attached – zipped us up to the top of a mountain (at least it felt like the top to me) and the start of the floodlit 1.5km long run.
We were dropped off with the sledges. ‘Now what?’ I said, somewhat naïvely. ‘You go down,’ came the reply. As the driver sped away, there was no option but to follow his instructions. Reader, it was the ride of my life! Scary, yes, but incredibly exhilarating. Zooming down snow-covered peaks and mounds I felt more Bond girl in The Spy Who Loved Me than lady on front of an Edwardian Christmas card. I had a real sense of achievement on reaching the bottom.
My Anna Karenina fantasy followed as I climbed aboard the carriage, attached to two massive cart horses, and made myself comfortable under the blankets. Sleigh bells rang out as we wended our way across the snow-covered countryside by moonlight while sipping on shots of Schnapps. It was possibly one of the most romantic moments of my life! It had been an incredible evening but it wasn’t over yet.
An alpine feast comprising fondue, raclette and cheese dumplings followed at Restaurant Wirtshaus Gnadenalm, the most Heidi-esque eaterie imaginable – all roaring fires, pine panelling, red check tablecloths, and heart-shaped dining chairs.
Skiing may not be for me, but this trip made me realise that I have fallen for the snow in a big way. Next visit I intend to channel Julie Christie in Dr Zhivago – but I guess I’ll need to find my Omar Sharif first.
TRIP NOTES
- Places by Valamar from €316 per night/double room (valamar.com).
- Wizz Air (wizzair.com) do return flights from London airports to Salzburg as do easyJet and British Airways. Taxi transfer from Salzburg to Obertauern is around €165 (salzburg-taxi-eu).
- Silver Ski Equipment hire is around £150 a day for equipment and ski pass (valamar-experience.com).
- Lessons for beginners at the Obertauern Frau Holle ski school are €121.50 per day or €252 for three days (skischule-frauholle.at).
- One-hour carriage ride for four: €90. Toboggan rental: €9 per person (gnadenalm.com).
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